This the last blog entry I will make. I have too much to lose, and I believe that there are people who continue to try and ruin what I have got going for myself.
I'd like to shout out to my Psychiatrist, who got my business card and put it to use. Our last session was a cold, calculated, accusatory and invasive experience where it was once pleasant.
If you'd like to know, I have one beer maybe a month, occasional CBD gummies, and no illicit, otherwise prescribed, or designer drugs.
I'm no longer interested in other peoples judgements of me, though constructive criticism and encouragement I find refreshing.
The thing is that I have reached a point where self analyzation, past and present amendments to my actions, and living a fairly honest life have given me that sought after wisdom.
When that is not present, my wife fills in the blanks for me.
I spent half of my life living a lie, literally and actively altering the facts of events in my life to fit other people's (mainly family) versions of just about everything relevant to my position in these things because I thought like a child. Like a little lost child still looking for his long dead Daddy in the world, taking the misguided direction of these fucking assholes who will still, and to their grave, lie about me.
Since growing into my current 11 year relationship caring ten plus years for a special needs daughter, I have come to my senses. I do what has to be done, and this includes remaining completely out of contact with my family now and forever, lest they start some shit again that would hurt us. Not just me, mind you, us.
It's funny. At 19 I was misdiagnosed by psychiatrists to have an LSD induced psychosis. (99% recovery they said) At 22 I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia. At 27 I was diagnosed bi polar. At 29 they said bi polar I., schizoaffective, with psychotic features. This remained the diagnosis until 2011 when I was told by a doctor that he felt that I was "not mentally ill," just symptomatic of trauma and "stuck in the system." He got my disability case to go through and be approved. From then on it was bi - polar only.
I have learned that the characteristics of my symptoms definitely mimick bi polar, ticking most of the boxes.
So I take my medications, and adjust them in an open dialogue with my doctor as is supposed to happen. I have been in good shape for many years.
The logic that got me to accept needing meds, is that, I self medicate with a beer when I'm way too stressed, I take THC/CBD gummies for ridiculous depression anxiety, so why not get to self medicate with an expert at my disposal to stabilize my course?! Absolute no brainer.
The reason I wrote this began with an intent to talk about having had UFO sightings, close encounters, altered conciousness that led me through an interdimensional time warp, extrasensory gifts, paranormal experiences, super human feats, and the list goes on and on.
I have had an extraordinarily interesting life, and you know, that shit ain't from trauma. Those are my signposts along the way to the final destination, home.
So now that I have some perspective on these things, I have decided to craft an adventure I never dared before. My story told in a different way, truthfully and uncut for fear of missing the opportunity to help someone else out there who have 13th stepping, ignorant, dogmatic, and oppressive challenges like me to wake up to every day.
So if you think this shit has been wicked whack, wait for whats next, it's the nexus exit I take when intended, the truth uncut from what was meant to be amended.
It's been an all nighter, I'm out...
